What scares men about marrying independent women?

Most independent woman have given up in marriages because the society made them believe that no man wants to marry a woman who is financially stable and very real- to be precise. Y’all forgot something- Independent woman are fun to be around? it’s just that they are not easily approachable because of their I-know-what-I-want attitude,Unfortunately they do. There is a difference between assertive and aggressive don’t mistake the two.  without further ado, can we all agree that independent women need  a strong significant partner not a partner to survive with financially or a partner who finds powerful woman as threat? look not all women wants to be fixed or babysitted by men. Anyway, I have Been asking myself for some time now,what is wrong with a woman who spends her time shaping her life / future / career? Elevating herself?  honestly I muddled with this matter for some time now hence I decided to ask my male friends this question.


WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST ABOUT MARRYING AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN?


1. Israel Sekgale (Young professional) – Social worker services manager.”To be honest with you, nothing scares me about marrying an independent woman. What would scare me in any woman is not knowing what they want. My biggest fear is being in a relationship/marriage with someone who got different intentions from mine of building a family, someone who is still figuring out what they want and taking me for a ride. that’s my fear. Independent woman is nothing to worry really, I mean I like empowering anyway so I expected the best out of them. Otherwise a hustling woman is a bonus maarn.” I asked him what about men who feels threatened by these independent women? He said he was glad I asked and further numbered his reasons 1. Normally its men who don’t treat women well and they’re afraid they wont be tolerated. 2. Its men who are lazy themselves and feel overpowered and challenged. 3. Its normally men who cant define what power really is and they see financial leads as power.4. Man with low self-esteem and confidence, relying on financial lead to define manhood.


2. Lethabo Modikoa ( young professional) – Portfolio adminstrator”My fear is not independent women. I love them. The main thing is “independence”. An independent person brings to the relationship honesty. My understanding is that if  someone has got no reason whatsoever to depend on you besides your love, that person is genuine”. So I said your fellow men feel threatened. why is that?  “I’d guess that they generally feel small in almost all their social  and professional settings and the only time they feel big and powerful is in a relationship with someone who relies on them for more than their love” I agreed with him and that’s when he added that he get so angry when someone of his age acting like elders. Everything about today’s life clearly says that each gender is as independent as the other, so why we still have men who are threatened? 


3. Rocky Ramaube  (UJ student)- VloggerI had to use the likes of Bonang Matheba as an example with him and this what he said If I too have what she has then nothing would probably scare me, if she has more than more then I would worry if its her first time having those things because I wouldn’t know how they would treat me now that she has money. if she always had them then I also wouldn’t be scared because I don’t like dependent women anyways. What advise would you give to your friend who feels threatened? ” There’s more good to her being independent and never let your ego get the best of you. Respond genuinely to everything she does and try not to be imaginary about things.


4. Sydney Lebogang ( TUT Student)Lebo says he is not scared, it will be a nice thing because it basically mean things are balanced, when one is down the other person will be able to assist but this doesn’t need a man full of himself, a prideful man. he further said ” what I am scared of is an independent woman with attitude, disrespect etc. I think man knowing how money gives a lot of options in life and how money can change a person’s behaviour is what scares them when a women have money, so they automatically think that’s what they will do because of money. but overall and above we need to understand that things are changing more women are becoming independent, for example  the is been an increase of more woman purchasing houses than men last year. so as for me I don’t really have much of a problem with that, not that I am gonna depend on her and not do anything, having independent woman I thinks gives a peace of mind.I then told him that  I don’t understand why men think marriage is survival, putting finance first and using women to prove their manhood.  “I think education plays a role as well in this. It requires open mind to comprehend why is not a problem to marry independent woman. we should not focus on the red flags but lets hope man digest the fact that more woman in the future will own many things”.


5. Shaun Shiviri (young professional) – Registered counsellor and an author of What is a Mistake. He said he is Not scared however, she should not rub it on him. He further said “There is nothing wrong with being independent and thats what some of us want to have. But there is something wrong when a woman is independent and also sees it as a platform to disrespect her husband mainly because she earns more than him or his not working”. What do you think of those men who feel threatened? It differs. Some feel threatened because they cannot be able to control them. Others fear to be turned to a laughing stock from their family members or their wives family etc. Moreover, certain things cannot be avoided because it also depends on the type of person u marry.A relationship has nothing to do with financial stability. Because you can be financial stable but fail to maintain a relationship, and be lacking financial but be able to maintain a relationship. So you agree that men shouldn’t judge women based on their financial stability? “Financial stability is just one criteria we need in order to survive and take care of our own family/Spouse but it plays no role in a relationship but it is an essential. I don’t know if I make sense, because the two statement are irony to each other…but my point is a men who judges a woman based on her financial stability is already threatened and will not survive that relationship cause already he has his own ideologies at mind.
Okay this was hitting up and that’s why I asked him this question

” what’s the reason behind a man marrying an independent woman and later on expect her to drop her career and be a housewive?

 That normally occur when the men gets a job or thinks his wife is not having time for his family, or he has developed controlling traits. Others do it due to their abusive behavior now showing up.
Our forefathers did such and it was OK. However, at our time it is a serious offence to me when you find a woman who went to school for years and obtain all her degrees so she can be independent and build her own life plus legacy and then a men says Stop it all you are my wife and you should remain in the house. *If a men want his wife to stop working I believe it is only fair when we both stop working and we venture into a business or something together. Why should one leave his career while the other one remains.*
In short the problem starts here. Getting married to a men or women who has no vision about their life or where they want to be in future is an ingredient for disaster. A men must tell you where he sees himself in the next 5 years and what he wants to accomplish. Don’t tell me you love me and you want to be with me and have kids, the next question should be what are you currently doing to achieve that goal? Where or what results do you have so far to show me that you are doing something with your life?…both men and women if we learned to ask the important questions rather than focus on what his driving or having then we will surely have well founded and based relationships. *But the problem is today’s women focus on the cover forgetting that when the cover is removed what will remain.*


In conclusion if you are looking for a woman who is reliant to you with almost everything which includes their goals /career. Trust me Independent woman is not for you but if you are looking for a woman who is assertive, goal driven, career focused, understanding, bring the best out of you, a muse, courageous you name them-look no further.


You are more than welcome to share your view on the comment box below.


You can contact Shaun for his book on : shivirishaun@gmail.com
Love Musa.

4 Thoughts

  1. This is such a great piece. Loved the thought and how you approached this. Yes its true men feel insecure by independent women. I just don’t get this at all. Why do men still expect women to be in the box of damsel in distress category.

    Liked by 1 person

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