The mantra of African Parents.

Growing up, we were taught a very important way of showing respect. Not talking back to elders no matter what and that parents knows what’s best for their kids.

I am not going to discuss the rod situation and the punishment but the verbal communication between parents and their kids.

I found it hard when I grow up because sometimes you feel like they don’t understand and they don’t know why you did that and feel the need to explain but I promise you the minute you open your mouth. You are disrespectful. You must just swallow it or even wait for the day they are happy and sit with them to explain the situation but still that doesn’t guarantee you that it will be taken in to consideration.

I still remember when I was young and they were shouting at me, I tried to explain they told me to not respond to older people then I kept my silence and then they ask me why am I quite because they talking to me 🤦‍♀️when I try to respond they asked me if I have grown up enough to start talking back to older people. Believe me I was confused in fact drowning in a pool of it and decided to never respond and since then the disciplinary never took long anymore. In a nutshell in order to avoid causing havoc at home don’t exchange words with your parents whether they wrong or right that’s a sign of “disrespectful”

Remember our parents have the mantra that parents knows what’s best for their kids and they always right. Atleast that’s how they grew up.

Well right now it’s a different approach because kids now talk back, need to be listened to as well and they know what’s best for them. Which I first saw it from some of the western movies Whereby the kids talk back to their parents and sometimes try to make them understand the context behind their deeds or decision.

I am a fan of western teen kind of movies. So I watched a lot of them. The relationship which the parents have with their kids is amazing and you would wish you had one too. Growing up that was not the “ish” thing but recently it is, So in the western side, a kid would tell their parents about privacy, they would walk away while they talking to them. You know that kind of situation.

Trust me the behavior was sort of contiguous because now in South Africa it has become a normal thing that kids even swear at their parents and they can’t do anything because times fly and things changed and a kid would threaten to leave their house, trust me majority of them are not kidding. Some parents try to discipline their kids but when talking to them they feel emotionally abused, think of moving in with their boyfriends or their friends which is not normal according to african people. Since we were not allowed to date while we still young, Boom! happens to be normal to western kids.

We used to laugh about it with my friends saying “I want to do it once at home” then we die with laughter saying “you won’t see the end of that day”

African people have culture, tribes, defined society hence it becomes a form of taboo to do against tbem and also because the current one is not working.

A kid should know that when they did something wrong they should make amends or rather take responsibilities not what we see now. it’s either the kid doesn’t care about their parent’s feedback or one parent is covering up for them. Truth is that’s not love and it create some sort of disrespect but most of parents are not aware because they think being there for their child but in actual fact they confusing always being on your child’s side and giving them access to disobey older people and promoting irresponsible kids.

Some parents likes covering for their kids and thats not good.

Sometimes it’s necessary to take their sides but only if you know you will be dealing with them later on not this things we see today Whereby parents give their kids access to be disrespectful indirectly or maybe it’s because they not aware? Nahhhh. Everyone must take account of their actions. Some they can’t even talk to their kids because they never took their time to learn them or even to see the process of their growth and they get surprised when kids don’t take them serious but that’s not an excuse for them to be disrespectful.

You know you not going anywhere in life. The minute you iltreat people knowing your parents will support you. Be it they know you did it or not. That reminds me that some parents thinks they know their kids enough to stand in front of people and claim that “I know my kid very well he/she will never do that”. Stop embarrassing your parents because you know thy trust you. That itself means you don’t respect your parents or don’t care about their reputation if no image.

Some things needs to be dealt with. deep. They no longer have space for this surface disciplinary, it’s no longer working. We slowly but surely losing the meaning of the word “respect” if we not careful it will end up being like dinasaurs wherby we know it and know it was important but no longer exist.

The hardest thing teenagers and young adults face

Some parents are not even aware they are the ones which kill their kid’s confidence, self esteem and make them believe they can’t be independent by showing that they depend on them by so doing through threats because they know at this point they survive through them financially.

You know the feeling when your parents decide what’s good for you and what’s not good for you? And now you have to do things because you don’t want them to feel like you don’t regard them or respect them or even to appreciate their sense of humour. They most likely to use the term “you ungreaful” when you try to give them your side of view. I am really not sure how they expect their kids to survive mentally because now you taken as if you can’t think for yourself and that’s because they know what’s good for you. This kind of situations make their kids develop some sort of inner hatred and they live their whole life wishing they can go somewhere for as long as they don’t get to stay with their parents anymore. This may also cause depression and it will slowly but surely decrease the amount of respect they have for their parents.

You know when you have respect, it’s easier to live because now even people around you learn to respect you all because you respect yourself and your family that includes also everyone around you.

Also you may be the parents and taking care of your kids or looking out for them but you still an individuals at the end of the day and will approach life differently just à matter of understanding your kids so you can be able to understand their decision which will be easier for you, either to respect it or not but atleast with an insight of why not..

Let’s instill the respect in us and our children for our on good.

All the best.

Mathapelo Musa.

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